You know what’s crazy? I’m in my final year of my undergrad.
For the longest time, I didn’t think I could do it. I’ve gone through a lot physically and emotionally to get this far. I’ve built and burned many bridges along the way.
I’ve had multiple realizations in this past year.
- I’m not able to do everything that I want to do, but I am capable of asking for help and guidance when I need it.
- I hate being alone, but I’m perfectly happy spending the night watching YouTube and drinking tea if it means that I don’t have to talk to people that I don’t like.
- When I had a large group of friends, I felt out of place. Now that I have just a few friends, I’m at ease with everything I say and do around them.
- The end result is truly based on what you do beforehand.
I used to lament that I had no friends and would be isolated from my large group of friends. I even felt incredibly alone when I lived on a floor with 45+ people. But looking back, it was important for me to experience all of that.
From “losing” friendships with the large group of people I had befriended in high school, I was able to find out who really mattered to me. Those are the friends that I know I’ll have for life. I can pick up a conversation with these people despite not seeing them regularly. And I know we’ll always make time for each other. I thank these friends that have risen from the bridges I burnt, for anchoring me to my home when I thought I lost it.
To the friendships I lost from first year … well I really did dodge that bullet. None of you guys really cared about school the way the friends I have now do. It really killed my aspirations academically being around people who didn’t want to work hard. I’m glad we stopped talking. It pushed me to find friends who inspired me and challenged me to take risks and see things through.
There’s one person however, that has given me everything and expected nothing back. And to you, I thank you for loving me way back in 2010 (and perhaps even before that), and convincing me that we were meant to be. And I thank you for loving me again after I left and came back. And for loving me more and more each day. It really is a beautiful thing to have someone to love and trust.